


Jaybabs: Police au

by methademic



Category: Batgirl (Comics), DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Barbara Gordon - Freeform, Depressed Jason, Drug Mentions, F/M, Jason Todd - Freeform, NO CAPES, Police AU, a little ooc- what else is new, a tiny bit of timsteph, jaybabs - Freeform, jaybabs banter, something PTSD-esque, struggling with addiction, switching POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-03-23 08:44:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 18,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13783881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/methademic/pseuds/methademic
Summary: "I had an on and off relationship with the force. I could never decide if I loved it or hated it."***They're not vigilantes, but they still fight crime, this time on the 'right' side of the law.Follow rebellious Jason Todd, one of the best yet most hot-headed and fearless detectives on the force, and his partner; brassy badass Barbara Gordon, as they track down Gotham's most wanted criminals.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clarify, in this au, Jason is the only kid Bruce adopted. Goodbye Batfam dreams

I shoved the clip in the gun and casually chucked the old one in the backseat, flicking through the radio. 

"Ohh, so many problems with everything that's happening right now." A voice said from beside me as I looked aside and smirked, "Speak your mind, Barbie." I grinned as she swatted away my hand. "First of all, my car, my radio,” She changed the station and continued, “Second, feet off the dashboard, we're not back at the precinct, where, by the way, you also shouldn't do that.” I rolled my eyes with a short chuckle. 

“Third, were you walking around with a loaded gun?" She exclaimed as I grinned, “Keeping the ammo separate is pointless. You really need to relax." I chuckled as she annoyedly flicked her gaze over to me, "I'm not the one who's been suspended, what is it? Six times now?" She asked. "Eight and counting," I answered, "And I wear each one like a badge of honour." I joked as she loudly rolled her eyes. 

You see, I had an on and off relationship with the force. I could never decide if I loved it or hated it.

That was the thing about us, Babs and I that is. We were opposites. I was all fire and she was all ice. I was relaxed and she was high strung. I thought with my heart and she thought with her head. But, at the end of the day, that was what made us the best in the business. 

"Plus, I don't have my daddy here to bail me out at all hours of the day," I unnecessarily added as she jerked the car around a tight corner, causing me to hit my head against the window. 

"Crossing the line Jason." She warned. "Sorry." I amended, keeping my tone lazy and uncaring. "Listen, Jay. Don’t think I get special treatment from everyone just because my dad's the commissioner. All I'm trying to do is my job." Her voice was terse as we zipped around another corner. 

I began fiddling with the radio again and she batted my hand away once more, "What did I tell you about the radio." She snapped with a glare. I simply grinned and shrugged it off. 

I knew that she liked me, despite all the evidence pointing against it. I mean, she had stuck out her neck for me time and time again. If it wasn't for her, I might still be a beat cop, rather than the detective I was today. "What are we dealing with again?" I asked as she exasperatedly groaned, "You didn't read the case files, did you?" She asked as I shrugged. "Again Jason? Are you kidding me?" 

I simply grinned and waited for her to explain it to me, "Drug cartel, we're dealing with several armed gunmen and highly explosive materials, according to recon." She informed before adding, "Don't worry, we'll have back up.”

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, nervously rubbing the back of my neck and tilting my head back. 

"What did you do Jason?" She angrily asked as I guiltily smiled at her, "I told them not to bring backup." I sheepishly answered as she brought the car to a screeching halt.

"I'm sorry. I thought I just heard you say you cancelled backup?" She repeated in an overly calm voice as I nodded, "Come on, Babs. We're the best, we can do this solo." I tried to sway her and she sighed, "Get out you idiot. _Quietly_." She hurriedly added as I grinned and stepped out, creeping closer to the abandoned warehouse, Barbara covering my back. 

I paused at the door and turned to see her, "How should we play this Barbie?" I asked as she flashed a rare grin at me, "Only way we know how." She said before cocking her gun, "Who gives a shit.” 


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as we barged in it was total chaos. People were yelling and shots were being fired, but I could barely process it through the thick blindfold of adrenaline that seemed to both dampen and heighten my senses at the same time.

I looked over and saw Barbara in the mess of it all, grinning from ear to ear. Despite all our differences, this was what we both craved. Danger. I suppose this was a middle ground for us, something that kept us tethered just enough to not completely hate each other. 

I looked over and saw a massive stack of tightly bundled up white powder, stuffed into brick-like casings. "Man," I hollered, "I really should have invited 2006 Roy. He would've loved this." I loudly chuckled as Barbara stood up from the thick table she was using as cover and shot a few rounds before ducking back down. I followed her lead and shot into the distance, hearing the tiny clinks as the empty shells hit the ground.

"Seven." She yelled as I looked at her in confusion. "There are seven of them left." She exasperatedly elaborated as I nodded and found them. Four on the left and three on the right. "You want three or four?" I asked as she quirked an eyebrow and smirked, "Oh honey, I don't think you could handle four." She fake pouted at me, but before I had the chance to protest, she had already run out.

I ran out after her, using the stacks of coke as cover before running beside her, "For your information..." I paused as she stood up from crouching on the floor and took down another two gunmen. "I could totally take four." I popped up and took down another one, before turning around and smirking at her. "Looks like we're all tied up, Gordon." I said matter of factly as she returned my smirk, "Looks like it, Todd." She laughed before firing into the distance, resulting in a body dropping to the floor, the rubber bullet probably leaving a nasty bruise.

"Well damn. Looks like the best detective has been bested by his underdog partner." I sarcastically chuckled as she spun around and blew me a kiss before rolling her eyes so loudly I could practically hear it, "Get over yourself, Jason." She muttered, all her former glee gone. "And call in backup. We need to put all this shit in evidence." She glanced at the stacks of cocaine and subtly shuddered before walking out of the warehouse and back to the car, leaving me alone with the semi-conscious bodies.

I hastily followed her out, "Wait up, Red." I called, leaning on the hood of her car that she used as a UC vehicle and radioing the station, "Hey guys, we need you to pick up a shit-ton of cocaine. See you back at the 5-5." I jauntily informed whilst hopping into the car and barely closing the door before Barbara took off.

"Why so eager, Speedy?" I joked as she sighed, "I don't like cocaine, it freaks me out, okay. And it was in the air, meaning that we were breathing it in-- it’s creepy." She abruptly ended the conversation, leaving us in silence. A silence that I desperately needed to fill. I flipped down the mirror and stared at my reflection for a while before saying, "Should I get my ear pierced?”

Instantly she started laughing and I pouted, "What? I could totally pull off an earring." I defensively whined as she nodded, clearly trying to suppress laughter, and failing miserably. "Sure you could, bad boy Jason Todd." She snickered as I smugly raised an eyebrow at her, "Bad boy, huh? Do girls still like that or is it overrated?" I asked as she elbowed me in the ribs and rolled her eyes, "You know what girls like?" She taunted as I sat back in my seat, knowing it was a trap but still falling right into it. 

"What?" I asked as she smirked, "Someone who can wipe their own ass." She concluded as I crossed my arms, irritatedly huffing.

"Smart ass." I muttered as she laughed, "I prefer the term; 'Brassy'." She teased while pulling up outside the station to drop me off. "See you tomorrow," She waved as I got out of the car. “So we can write up a report." She grinned, driving away before I could protest.

I sighed and walked to my motorcycle, throwing on my helmet and speeding off, the wind making the badge around my neck lightly hit my chest. 

I stopped in front of a bar near my house and sighed, "Go ahead, Jason. Drink your life away." I muttered to myself, pushing my hands through my hair. “Just ruin it all." I sighed about to turn around and go home when my life caught up to me, "Hey, you do it every other night, what's so different about now?" I sighed before plastering my signature smirk back on and walking in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason and Barbara go on an assignment with more than a few loose ends

I woke up with a splitting headache, groggily propping myself up on my elbows. I had managed to get myself home without killing myself, which was a pro I guess.

I looked around to see if there was a sleeping figure beside me, but I was alone. My alarm began blaring and I groaned, fumbling to turn it off before rolling out of bed and having a quick shower, grabbing a brown leather jacket and driving to the precinct, yanking off my helmet and getting off my motorcycle just as Barbara pulled up.

She tugged down her sunglasses to properly look at me and raised an eyebrow, "You look like you just crawled your way back up from hell." She noted as I sighed, "Yeah well, getting totally shitfaced doesn't do wonders for my complexion." I deadpanned, walking side by side with her into the building and swiping my ID badge so the doors would open.

She walked over to my desk with me and pulled up a chair, tilting my computer screen towards her and logging onto my e-mail. "Hey, what are you doing?" I demanded as she crossed her legs and turned to look at me, "We have to do a report and my desk is on the far side of the room." She elaborated. "That doesn't explain why you know all my passwords." I added as she laughed, "Please, your computer is easier to break into than my grandpa's. And he doesn't have a password." She commented as I moved over so she had a comfortable amount of space on the desk.

"Okay, on the 16th of January, Detectives Todd and Gordon--" I was interrupted by my C.O Dick Grayson, yelling at me and Barbara to hurry and gear up. "What's this about?" Barbara managed to ask in the flurry of strapping on bulletproof vests and getting fresh clips for our guns. "A massive shipment of weapons has been sighted, we hacked into their frequency and discovered that they are planning a hostile takeover of Wayne Enterprises's weapons unit. The  _nuclear_  weapons unit." He added as I frustratedly hissed, "Idiots." I muttered as Babs smiled at me, "We can handle it," A mischievous glint flashed in her eyes before she said, "We're the best, right?" She grinned as I grabbed another few clips and smirked, "No one could compare.”

***

I stood behind the service door, waiting for Black Mask's helicopter to land on Wayne Enterprises's helipad, Barbara calmly waiting beside me. "So... about that whole 'earring' thing..." I started as she rolled her eyes, "You don't let anything go, do you?" She asked as I shrugged, "We've been partners for two years, I would've thought you knew that by now." I commented as she sighed, "I mostly try to ignore you." She muttered as I grinned, "Come on Barbie, you like me." I taunted as she rolled her eyes, "No Jason. I'm stuck with you." She bluntly stated as I drew in a pained breath, "Ouch." I mocked.

I always ignored it when she was cruel, it was worth it just to spend a minute with her when she was being herself and not crazily obsessing over a case, or, in this instance, an ambush.

I glanced around at the helipad for a few moments, furrowing my brow. This didn't make sense. "Something's wrong," I muttered as Babs turned around and shot me a confused look, "What are you talking about?" She asked, but I was already rifling through our emergency bag for a parachute and strapping it around my torso, running to the edge off the roof. "Jason! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Barbara screamed at me over the sound of the wind in my ears, "Oh god..." I whispered, "I hope this doesn't kill me." I muttered before jumping.

Now, here's the thing about skydiving. The thing they don't tell you. Once you pull the tab and the parachute releases and catches the air, you don't suddenly fly upwards. No. You just keep falling and falling and  _falling_. It may slow down, but it's only just enough to  _not_  kill you.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I yelled as I barrelled towards the fast approaching ground, landing and being forced to run forwards, momentum coming into play. My radio crackled and Babs' urgent voice screamed, "Jason! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

"Get out of there Babs. Take the stairwell and get! Out!" I slowly yet loudly annunciated. "I'm not abandoning my post." She stubbornly muttered as I became more and more frantic, "No, think about it, something's off. How would Black Mask deliver a  _massive_  shipment of weapons via helicopter? Have you ever been in one of those things? They’re tiny. Certainly not big enough for a large shipment of anything. They wanted us there. They purposely let us hack into their frequency and..." I trailed off as my gaze drifted to the rooftop across the street, panic flaring in my chest, "Babs, don't you dare move!" I shouted before running towards the offending building and fumbling to find the zip line thing that I had snatched.

"If the parachute didn't kill me, this definitely will," I muttered before firing it and having it snatch me up into the air and right to the edge of the rooftop. I swung over it and aimed my gun at the sniper perched on the opposite side of the roof, firing until I saw them drop to the ground.

"It was a sniper," I muttered into the radio, "You should be safe now." I sighed, waiting for a response. "Babs?" I asked beginning to get worried when the silence had stretched out for a few moments. "Yup, I'm fine." She groaned as panic flared in my chest, "What happened?" I quickly asked. 

"I was shot, don't worry, it got my vest." She muttered, clearly trying to keep the pain out of her voice. "That was just a diversion. They weren't meant to go on the roof." I uttered in confusion, thinking.

Why would they set up a sniper to get rid of us if it was just a diversion? And, if it wasn't a massive weapons shipment, what was it? "Do you know what they were doing up there?" I demanded as she half-groaned half-sighed, "No, the whole 'being shot at and knocked to the ground' thing was a little distracting." She hissed as I looked across the street and saw her silhouette stand up, putting her hand to her head.

"Okay, Todd, walk me through what you're thinking." She began to pay attention and I curtly nodded. "They had a sniper set up to take us out, even though it's already been established that the Wayne Enterprises robbery was a decoy." I began to explain, "If that was a fluke, why did they set up the sniper? And why would they shoot at you if it was pointless to begin with?”

She thought for a moment before responding, "They had a briefcase. I'm guessing something important." She noted. I was about to respond when a different frequency crackled in and an all too familiar voice began yelling at me, "Detective Todd!" It barked, "Report to my office, now!”

I sighed and ran a hand over my head, mussing up my already dishevelled hair. This wasn't the first time I had had a run in with Commissioner Gordon, and it probably wouldn't be the last. 

"Sorry Barbie, but it looks like you'll be spending the rest of the night alone," I muttered, "As for now, I've got a date with the Commissioner." I sighed before grabbing the grappling hook with a shrug, it worked perfectly fine the last time and, admittedly, it was pretty fun.

It had firmly attached itself to the building across the street when I heard Barbara's voice shout out from the radio, "Jason, don't you dare use that grappling hook—“

But I had already jumped and swung off the rooftop, embracing the harsh wind that blew against me and leaning into it, lightly landing on the ground and pulling the trigger of the gun-like apparatus to draw the cord back into the chamber. "This thing's pretty cool," I spoke to the mass of officers that were leaning against the UC cars outside.

I casually sauntered up to one of them and eyed their car, "Mind if I borrow your ride?" I asked her as she uncomfortably shifted, evidently looking around for an out.

"Don't worry, he's being stupid." Barbara's tense voice spoke from behind me, grabbing my arm and yanking me backwards, proceeding to drag me to her car. "My dad's gonna kill you for this." She hissed as I smirked, "Eh, I think he's used to it." I chuckled as she practically threw me into the passenger seat of her car before slamming the door shut and hopping in the driver's side.

"What are you so mad about? I thought we were getting along." I whined as she rolled her eyes, "We were solving a case. A case that you ditched on to play superhero." She glared out the window and sped up, flicking on the siren and zipping through a red light, getting us to the Commissioner’s office in less than five minutes.

"Let's go. Hurry up." She marched out of the car and into the building, leaving me chasing after her, "Why are you going?" I skeptically asked as she whipped around so I received the full force of her glare, "So you don’t get eaten alive by my father." She seethed as I rolled my eyes but continued without protest.

She opened the door to his office and I lazily walked in, smiling at him, "Heeey Jim." I sheepishly waved as he growled, "Sit your ass down, Detective." He commanded as I smirked and sat down. "What seems to be the problem now?" I asked as he glowered, "Not only did you abandon your post - leaving Detective Gordon without cover - you blew our whole operation by parachuting from the top of the building, then proceeding to continuously use hundreds of dollars worth of highly dangerous and untested equipment that you weren't permitted to use in the first place!" His voice harboured an eerily familiar tenseness as he continued to lecture me, "Not to mention the fact that you let a fellow detective get shot—"

"Yeah, to stop her from getting killed!" I interjected, thoroughly done with his lecturing. "I don't care what your reasoning is, the fact is, you're recklessness knows no bounds! You charged in without using your head, and that's going to get you killed one day! Just like—"

"Dad! That's enough!" Barbara snapped before he could finish the sentence, even though I already knew how it would've ended.

Just like my father.

"Listen, I'm sorry kid, but... last time was your last chance. I've tried to stick up for you before, I know how much your father would've wanted you to be here, but, I'm afraid that was the last straw. I'm going to need you to hand in your badge and gun." He sighed as I gritted my teeth in anger, fury engulfing every inch of my being. "Fine." I spat, slamming them on his desk and loudly hurling the door to his office shut behind me, stalking out into the frosty air, pacing around outside for a few seconds before totally losing my shit.

I screamed in frustration, lashing out at one of the massive stone posts, hitting it until my fists were bruised and bloodied and my whole body was trembling, shaky puffs of air clouding in the dark sky with every breath I took. I leant my forehead against the stone column and closed my eyes. Being a detective was the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning. Without that, I had nothing to live for.


	4. Chapter 4

I watched as Jason furiously left my dad's office, angrily slamming the door shut behind him so harshly it made me flinch. Almost immediately I turned to look at my father, "Dad, you can't fire him." I uttered as he sighed, "I didn't have a choice, Barbara. He unnecessarily killed a man." He bluntly stated as I bit the inside of my cheek, "He saved my life. If he hadn't, that sniper would've shot me." I argued as he shook his head, "It's about principle. Those exact same actions could've gotten you killed if certain events didn't play out exactly as he planned." He countered as I widened my eyes in realisation, "Is this all because I'm your daughter?" I incredulously asked as he exhaled and looked down, "That's not the whole reason, but that aspect does come into play--"  
"No, that's unacceptable. You're the one who stuck me with him in the first place." I was on the borderline of yelling. "You can’t get rid of him, he's the best detective in the entire GCPD." I matter-of-factly said as he went to protest, "Surely not, you have all the skills--"

"Exactly." I interjected, "You've _trained_ me to be the best I can be. He has the raw talent, and, in the end, that's gonna go further than any training you could ever come up with." I defensively crossed my arms before adding, "You can say whatever you want about him, but you can't deny the fact that he's smart. Really smart."

"I'm not questioning his intelligence, what I'm questioning is his morality." He stared at the badge and gun that lay on the flat, wooden surface of his desk and I frowned at him, "He deserves this, Dad." I murmured as he sighed, folding, "Fine. But he screws up one more time--" He began to warn as I gleefully nodded and grabbed Jason's things before running out to find him leaning his forehead against a column, his hands also resting against the post, visibly shaking and incredibly bloody.

"Jason?" I squeaked as he turned to me, all the usual light-heartedness and humour gone from his face, leaving him looking surprisingly pale and hollow, like an empty shell.

I took his badge and gingerly reached up to put it around his neck, "Come on, let's get your hands all cleaned up." I glanced at them and frowned, he probably had a few broken knuckles and some minor scarring, but he would otherwise be fine. He shook his head and raggedly gasped, "No, I-- I need a drink." He fumbled as my frown deepened, "Why don't we just get out of here first?" I kindly suggested as he nodded, his torn breathing becoming quicker and quicker.

Shit. I'm pretty sure he was having a panic attack, right outside the office. I worriedly watched him gaze into the distance with glossy eyes, hands trembling as he tightened his grip on the sides of his jacket, causing his knuckles to split further. I winced at the thought of it and gently pried his hands away, "Jay, let's go." I made my voice slightly louder and more stern, seeming to snap him out of whatever trance he was in. "Yeah, sorry." He mumbled as I gently tugged him over to my car, "My apartments not too far from here, why don't we get you warmed up?" I kindly suggested as he tried to smirk, "Your place, huh?" He joked, still clearly rattled.  
"Shut up, would you. Or I'll take you back to the precinct." I threatened as he nodded. We drove in silence for a while before I asked, "Jay, what happened?"

He sighed and shook his head, "This happens sometimes, don't look too much into it." He muttered as I knitted my eyebrows together, "Do you suffer from--" I started to ask as he cut me off with a cruel laugh, "Please Barbie. I don't need a psychologist and I really don't want one either." He chuckled, recovering from his previous state. "I'm just trying to help you." I sighed as his smirk faded and he held his head in his hands, "You can't fix what's already broken. Not entirely." He defeatedly muttered as my face fell, "Jason..." I whispered as he shrugged, "I'm fine, okay. I just got angry and... rattled. I never thought I would get kicked off." He confessed.

"You weren't. Do you seriously think I would let them fire you? As much as hate to admit it, you're good at your job." I confessed as he cockily grinned, "Aren't you sweet?” He sarcastically mocked. I rolled my eyes, "We're here." I tensely muttered as we got out of the car and I unlocked the door of my building, letting him in.  
"So, what does Barbara Gordon's place look like?" He conversationally asked, "Are you secretly really intensely dark and mysterious? Do you wear black lipstick and go around in the middle of the night fighting crime dressed as a bat?" He teased as I rolled my eyes, "A bat?"

He shrugged it off and continued, "Or are you the 'bakes cookies and has a ribbon collection' type?" He laughed to himself as I unlocked my door and he peered inside, "Or you could just be a robot." He muttered as I raised an eyebrow at him, "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, grabbing his hands and pulling him over to the sink, letting the water wash away the blood coating his hands. "Are you sure you live here? 'Cause it looks like something straight out of a Pottery Barn flyer." He snickered as I grabbed a bottle of vodka from my counter and turned off the water, pouring it over his knuckles.  
He hissed in pain, "You know... when I said I needed a drink..." He winced, "This really isn't what I meant."

"Too bad." I muttered, "This is what you get for going ballistic and beating the shit out of a wall." I playfully patronised as he smirked, "In my defence," He began, not stating his case and instead just standing there, looking at me. "Jason?" I cautiously asked as he hummed a response, "Mmhm, just thinking of a defence." He murmured. I cleared my throat and stepped away from him, noticing our proximity to each other, "Just, uh... be careful next time. You nearly died like, six times tonight." I warned as he smugly smiled at me, "Sure Barbie." He patted my shoulder before shaking out his hands, "Well, thanks for this. It's been fun." He charmingly smiled at me. 

"Do you need a lift?" I asked as he shook his head, "No, it's nearly midnight. Plus, my bike's still at the precinct, which isn't too far from here." He smugly said before waving me goodbye, "I'll see you tomorrow Red.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason meets Steph. Shortly after, Barbara and Jason are warned on a hostage situation which they have to take care of.

I rushed to get to the precinct, arriving five minutes early, the exact same time as Barbara did. We had kind of gotten into a routine over the years. We showed up at the same time, we left at the same time, every once in a while, when paperwork piled up and the detectives from the night shift showed up, we would go to my place and stay up all night finishing reports. 

“Morning Babs.” I greeted as she smiled and waved at me, “Morning Jason.” She replied, tapping her ID badge against the sensor and waiting as the automatic doors opened. “Hey, I think I've made some progress on that Black Mask case--“   
“Don’t bother, Major Crimes got the case.” She grumbled as I angrily knitted my eyebrows together, “What?! We totally could have solved that!” I exclaimed as we stepped into the elevator and went up to the third floor. 

“I know we could have, but it’s not up to us. Let’s just work the cases we have.” She reassured as I nodded, “Yeah, I guess so.” I irritatedly muttered. I began to walk over to my desk when I noticed the blonde that was sitting there, reading a magazine with her feet up on my desk. “Hey, that's my desk,” I stated, spinning her around and glaring at her. 

“Actually, it’s my desk.” She smirked, “You must be Jason Todd,” She extended her hand without standing up and I crossed my arms, “Who the hell are you?” I seethed as she grinned, “Stephanie Brown, I don’t believe we’ve met.” 

I shrugged, “That means nothing to me--” I began to say before I was shoved aside and Barbara pulled her up, “Steph! You never told me you were back!” She excitedly exclaimed as this ‘Stephanie’ chick tightly hugged her, “Babs, I missed you!” She laughed as I became more and more agitated, “Who are you? And what are you doing at my desk?” I loudly said, trying not to yell. 

“Jay, this is Steph. She’s been undercover the last four years. She’s the youngest person to make detective in the entire GCPD.” She grinned as I crossed my arms, “Yeah, well, we’ve got cases to solve, so… let’s do that.” I grumbled as Babs ruffled my hair, “No one’s taking your spot, Jason. You’ve proved yourself.” She smiled as I grumpily ran my hands through my hair to fix it, “Yeah, whatever.” I huffed as Stephanie laughed, “Oh how I love pointless male insecurities.” She mockingly sighed as Barbara snickered and turned to Steph, “Hey, you should work a case with us.” She suggested as I shook my head, “No. We’re a duo. And we work best that way.” I hissed as Steph grinned at me, “Listen, Todd, I’m not here to steal your partner or undermine you in any way. I’ve heard you’re one of the best detectives on the force, and I congratulate you for that, I sincerely do. But I’ve also heard that you take risks. Very un-calculated risks that have gotten you suspended multiple times and nearly fired from the GCPD. You get any of my friends hurt and I’ll come after you myself…“ She trailed off and her gaze drifted to someone on the far side of the room. 

“What is it?” Babs asked, following her gaze. I turned to see one of the guys from forensics, filtering through a file, “Hey Wayne!” He called, “I’ve got the lab results back and--” He was cut off by Steph barreling towards him and wrapping him in a tight hug. He seemed startled for a moment before looking down to see her and gaping in shock, “Steph?” He stuttered as she grinned and nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me you were back?” He asked in a hushed tone. “I worked undercover with Black Manta for four years, I had to throw away my phone.” She mumbled, loud enough that I could still hear their conversation.

I turned away from them and sat down, “Do you wanna start working that homicide? Or maybe a missing persons report?” I suggested as Barbara disapprovingly looked at me, crossing her arms, “No.”  
I was a little taken aback for a moment, “Okay… we’ve got a string of B&E’s we could work. Or…” I looked through some more files, “Maybe an illegal--”

“Shut up Jason.” She exasperatedly muttered, walking back to her desk. “I will not shut up.” I followed her and stepped between the desk and her chair, forcing her to look at me, “What’s your problem?” I asked as she glared at me, “My problem, Jason, is that you’re so horribly insecure that you feel the need to degrade a fellow detective -- who, by the way, has done more for the force than you could even imagine -- just to make yourself feel like less of a screwup.” She crossed her arms and looked me right in the eye, challenging me. I angrily clenched my jaw. I had lost. 

“I’m not trying to make myself feel like less of a screwup. I know exactly what I am, and I stopped trying to fix myself a long time ago.” I muttered. 

She opened her mouth to respond when my radio crackled and an urgent voice boomed, “All units to the A.T.L.A.S building, we have a hostage situation! Special unit one please report!”   
Immediately Barbara grabbed the radio, “This is special unit one.” She urgently answered as I stood up straight and reached for my own radio. “Gear up. You’re going in alone while we draw their attention from outside, so take all the necessary precautions.” They warned. “Can we go to homeland security?” I asked as Barbara punched my arm.

“Just get down here now!” They shouted as I nodded and ran to the artillery room, grabbing several pistols and clips, handing her a grappling hook, “Take one. You might need it.” I uttered as she nodded in thanks before saying, “We can’t be in disagreement right now. Not when we need to be in sync.”

“I know.” I said, “Let's talk about it later.” I mumbled, turning around to face her. “You know we could die today, right?” She whispered as I nodded, “And you know we could die any other day, right?” I murmured back as she tied up her hair, “I’m aware.”

I looked around at the others various supplies, “Do we need some C4 or something?” I asked as she furrowed her brow, “What do you think we’ll be doing in there?” She laughed as I shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m just picturing a Die Hard type situation.” I muttered as she sighed, “I don’t think that's a good idea… motherfucker.” She discreetly added as I turned to her, “What?” I chuckled as she tossed a switchblade - in case we needed to cut the hostages free - at me, which I caught and tucked into the sheath in the lining of my jacket. “You said you wanted Die Hard.” She answered before pausing and tugging at my jacket, “Should I be worried about the built-in pocket for your knife?” She asked as I pushed back my hair, “No.” I quickly answered. 

“Come on Ms. Gennero, let's go to Nakatomi Plaza and take down some terrorists.” I grinned as she rolled her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips, “Sure thing, Powell.” She twirled around and I frowned, “I’m not Powell, I’m McClane!” I shouted as she began to walk away, “I’m McClane!” I repeated as she spun and called, “Sure Al. Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the Die Hard references, I'm a little obsessed.


	6. Chapter 6

We stood outside the A.T.L.A.S building with the Deputy Chief, surrounded by police cars with the harsh wind blowing through our hair. 

“Okay, the entrances are all sealed so you’ll have to-“  
“Use the grappling hook and break a window?” I eagerly asked as Deputy Chief Kane gave me an odd look, “Sure, kid.” He warily answered, “Just, uh… don’t draw attention to yourselves and don’t. Lose. Any. Hostages.” He very clearly annunciated. “How many are there? Thirty hostages? Twelve terrorists? One cop? That's just the way he likes it.” I grinned as he raised an eyebrow, “Is that the tagline from Die Hard?” He asked as I shrugged, “Maybe.” I grunted as Barbara swiftly elbowed me.

“Sorry kid, but there are about twenty hostages, roughly fifteen terrorists and two detectives who really need to get going. Two hours and they start killing people, and they’ll do it. This is the Kobra Cult, they don’t mess around.” He warned as we nodded, “Got it.” Barbara said before brandishing the grappling hook gun and spinning it around, “Ready?” She asked me as I smirked and nodded, “As I’ll ever be.”

***

“We’re up really high.” I heard Babs mutter to herself as I smiled, “You’re not afraid, are you?” I taunted. She smiled and shot the window next to us, kicking in the glass. “Let's go, Todd. Unless you’re the one who’s scared.” She teased. Grinning, I kicked in the window closest to me, “Please.” I scoffed as we both climbed through the windows and immediately drew our guns, standing back to back. 

“Clear.” She whispered. “We need to locate the hostages.” I muttered as she nodded, “It’s a seventy story building. If we want to get the hostages the logical thing to do would be to split up but that would also be the illogical thing to do, safety-wise.” She explained, “It's up to you.” 

I thought for a moment. “Lets split up, we’ve only got a couple of hours. Radio in if you find them.” I muttered as she nodded, “If you see them don’t make contact. Not until I get there, okay.” She sternly warned as I dismissively nodded, “Yeah yeah.”

She grabbed my arm and turned me so I was looking at her, “No. I’m not losing my partner tonight. You’re reckless and stupid and you’re going to get hurt if you’re not careful.” She cautioned as I nodded, suddenly feeling the weight of it all, “I promise, okay.” I cautiously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, “We’ll be fine, I’m not going to let you down. And you can’t let me down. It's virtually impossible.” I reassured. 

She smiled and briefly tightened her grip on my arm, “Okay. I trust you.” She muttered before handing me a block of C4 and a few detonators, “Happy Birthday, McClane.” She grinned as I laughed in surprise, “Thanks, Gennero. And before you protest, she is totally badass.” I rushed to add as she smiled, “We’ll use the stairs so we don’t attract attention to ourselves, I’ll take the bottom thirty-five floors, you take the top thirty-five.” She ordered as I nodded, “Okay.” We moved to the stairwell and I whispered, “Three, two, one.” Before shouldering the door open and clearing the top flight of stairs.

“Clear.” We simultaneously uttered before moving to the stairs, “Radio in a warning if something goes wrong, if you can’t, rendezvous on the thirty-fifth floor.” She commanded as I nodded, moving up the stairs, gun and flashlight in front of me until I got to the next floor. I peered inside, only to find it empty. So I dismissed it and climbed higher and higher until I found one of the rooms filled with terrified looking people, tied up and on the ground, surrounded by the fifteen terrorists that were said to be there. 

I quietly put away my flashlight and aimed at the Kobra agent closest to me, shooting before putting my gun away and jumping up, holding myself a few feet above the doorway as it burst open and five guards piled in, all looking around for me and shouting in an unfamiliar language. 

I grinned, “Surprise motherfuckers.” I laughed before dropping onto them, sweeping the feet out from under one of them and elbowing another in the nose before moving to punch the other one in the face. I stepped on the stomach of the one that I had knocked down and spun around, kicking the last one in the jaw, cherishing the rush of adrenaline that I hadn’t realised I had been craving for so long. 

I stepped into the room pulling both my pistols out and shooting at the other guards, taking out three of them and effectively terrifying the hostages at the same time. Several more rushed at me and I laughed, punching one in the face and kicking off another's chest, bouncing off of him and knocking another down whilst shooting at a few more, continuing to take down agent after agent after agent until they were all gone. 

I reached for my radio, “Babs, forty-sixth floor. I’ve taken out the terrorists and am freeing the hostages.” I informed before hearing her angry voice snap, “And you didn’t tell me! You son of a bitch!”

I irritatedly took out my knife, “Oh fuck, I’m in trouble.” I whispered to myself, slicing through the ropes binding the hostages while waiting for her. “Hey!” I yelled over the collective clamour of panicked voices, “Stay on this level, we still don’t know if the building is completely secure.” I warned as they all bundled together and shut up. 

A few minutes later the door burst open and another Kobra agent strolled in, immediately shooting me in the shoulder and knocking me to the ground. I cried out in pain, hissing through my teeth. “Shit. Didn’t see that coming.” I heaved, feeling warm blood seep through my shirt, and hearing the terrified people start screaming behind me. 

“I’ve been watching you, Mr. Todd.” He ominously chuckled as I propped myself up and tried to stand, “That's totally not creepy.” I muttered, beginning to feel woozy. “You’ve got a very interesting combat style. Definitely not regulation. You didn’t learn that at the academy.” He commented as I stood, pointing my gun at him, very aware of the hostages behind me, “Yeah, well, I grew up on the streets.” I forcibly kept the pain out of my voice as he inched closer. 

I just hoped that Babs would get here soon.

“Is there a possible double entendre there?” He asked as I growled, “You don’t know anything about me.” I hissed as he laughed, “Oh, but I do. Your father was murdered when you were at the tender age of six--” He stopped as the sound of a gun firing twice cut him off, lodging two bullets into his back. He fell forwards and thudded to the ground, revealing Barbara putting her gun back in its holster. 

“You idiot!” She seethed, running over to me and grabbing her radio, “10-43, Detective Todd has been shot.” She calmly said as I rolled my eyes, “I’m fine, I can’t even feel it.” I reassured as she worriedly frowned, “That's not a good thing, Jason. You’re all hopped up on adrenaline.” She raised her radio once more, “Send in some officers, we need to clear the building and escort these hostages out of here.” She demanded. 

“Officers are clearing the building as we speak and paramedics are already on their way. Bring Detective Todd down here now!” Someone urgently ordered.

“Let's go!” She snapped before turning to the hostages, “Officers will be here soon, sit tight.” She muttered before grabbing my arm and forcibly hauling me into the elevators. 

“Ow, ow, ow, ow. I just got shot, take it easy.” I complained as she let go and furiously turned to me, “You promised me, Jason!” Her voice caught in her throat and tears brimmed in her eyes, “You promised that you would tell me, Jason. You promised you wouldn’t die!” She angrily blinked away tears and I frowned, trying to respond but not being able to speak over the dizziness that made the world around me spin. “I can’t…” I began, unable to form an intelligible sentence. “Jason?” She innocently asked, grabbing my arms, “Stay with me.” She whimpered, “Just don’t close your eyes, okay?” She murmured as I leant my head against the wall, “Shh…” I whispered before she harshly slapped me across the face, causing my eyes to snap open.

“Hey! Just let me sleep…” I drowsily mumbled as she shook her head slapping me again, “No! Just stay awake for a few more minutes.” She pleaded as I fought to keep my eyelids from drooping. She continued to slap me until I caught her hand, “Would you stop with that?” I raised my voice and she shook her head, “You deserve it!” She tearily exclaimed, punching me in the stomach before hissing and drawing her hand back, shaking it out, “Ow! What do you have under there?!” She exclaimed as I smirked, “Rock hard abs… and a bulletproof vest.” I chuckled as the elevator dinged and the doors opened, paramedics immediately rushing to my side as I stumbled out, trying to regain my balance, despite the fact that the world around me was fading.


	7. Chapter 7

I waited in the hospital just outside his room, fighting to stay awake. I had been sitting there for hours and they still hadn’t told me anything. 

I heard someone clear their throat and my eyes flew open. I must’ve fallen asleep without noticing. 

“Miss Gordon, I presume?” The doctor asked as I sat bolt upright, “Yes. Is Jason okay? Please tell me that idiot’s okay!” I demanded. 

“He’s fine,” She assured before adding, “He’ll be on bedrest for a few weeks but is otherwise healthy.”

I grinned, “Oh thank god. Can I see him?” I asked. She nodded, “Yes, just be careful. He’s on a lot of pain medication.” She warned as I smirked, “That won’t be a problem.” I laughed before rushing into his room to find him sitting up, calmly sipping on an oversized mug of tea.

“Hey, Barbie.” He waved, “What’s new?”  
I raised an eyebrow, “Are you being sarcastic or is that the pills talking?” I asked. “Pills.” He answered with a smug smile. 

“You aren’t all loopy. I don’t understand.” I remarked in confusion as he chuckled, “No, they don’t affect me. I’ve got somewhat of a tolerance. Don’t ask why.” He explained as I frowned, “Wouldn’t that mean you’re in a lot of pain right now?” I concernedly shuffled closer to him. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not your problem.” He gently reassured. 

“This is your own fault, y’know,” I grumbled, angrily crossing my arms. He sighed, “Yeah, I was wondering when you would bring that up.” He muttered to himself.

“You should have told me you found them!” I exclaimed as he rolled his eyes, “I could handle it on my own.” He scoffed as I raised an eyebrow, “Really? Because to me, it looks like you were shot.” I chuckled, my voice completely devoid of amusement. “Come on, this isn’t a big deal. Don’t worry about it.” He insisted. 

I shook my head, “No, you promised me you wouldn’t be stupid and reckless and you broke that promise. Jason, I can’t trust you in the field anymore.” I stood up and moved to the door, “I’ll get you a new partner, whoever you want.” I mumbled as he glared at me, “Go to hell.” He hissed. I slammed the door behind me, feeling tears burn in the back of my eyes and raced back to the precinct. 

***

“Forget about him. Plus, if it makes you feel better, you broke up with him, right?” Steph asked as I shrugged, “We didn’t ‘break up’ and it doesn’t make me feel better.” I rapidly blinked away tears and curled up in the armchair in the break room. 

“Aw, don’t cry.” She chuckled as I frowned, “How are you so… not screwed up?” I asked her as she laughed, “My dad’s a criminal, I saw a lot of bad stuff when I was a kid.” She chirpily answered as I sat up with a sigh, “Talk to me. Tell me about whatever.” I requested as she sat back, stretching her legs over the side of the sofa. “Okay.” She agreed. 

We were alone in the precinct right now, seeing as it was midnight on a Saturday. “I need your help.” She confessed as I raised an eyebrow, “ _You_ need _my_ help?” I repeated as she nodded. We had known each other since high school and she had never needed _anyone’s_ help before. 

“It’s Tim. You know how we’ve practically been dating for forever?” She asked. “Well…” I squeaked as she rolled her eyes, “Okay, we’ve had a few minor… hiccups along the way but still, dating forever, even while I was away.” She argued as I nodded, “And…?” I prodded. “And I’m worried that it's weird now.” She exhaled, “Like, what if he cheated on me?”

I could tell she was beginning to get a little panicked. “Steph, do you really think Tim would cheat on you?” I asked as she shook her head, “No, but, I don’t really know him anymore. I haven’t seen him in two years.” She stood up and began to pace around the break room. 

“Two? You were undercover for _four_ years.” I noted as she sheepishly smiled, “I had a little sabbatical in Gotham so I broke into his apartment.” She told me, “I would’ve come to see you, but they only gave me one night.”

I raised an eyebrow, “And I wonder what you did.” I deadpanned as she blushed, “Don’t be a jerk.” She threw a cushion at me and I laughed, catching it and throwing it back, “I’m a realist, not a jerk.” I countered. She giggled and sat up on the pool table that no one ever used, “That you are.”

“Wait a second, did you say you broke into his apartment?” I asked. “It’s not like I have a key.” She scoffed. I furrowed my brow, “You have heard of _knocking_ , haven’t you?” I asked as she rolled her eyes, “Ha ha.” She sarcastically laughed, “I didn’t want to wake his neighbours. And it was kinda fun surprising him.” She admitted. 

I got up and yanked her off the table, “We need to go home, did you manage to get a place or did you want me to take you to Tim’s?” I asked as she froze, “Can I just crash with you?” She asked as I smirked, “I would let you, I really would. But my friend Sandra is staying with me right now.” I lied as she glared at me, “I know you’re lying, Gordon.” She muttered as I giggled, “Tim’s place it is.” I announced, yanking her to my car, unable to keep the smug smile off my face.

***

“He won’t want me there.” She nervously clenched her fists until her knuckles turned white. “He wants you there.” I assured, “He definitely wants you there.” I dazedly repeated, parking outside Tim's building. “Okay,” I turned to Steph, “Have fun.”

She grabbed my arm, “You’re coming with me.” She demanded, “Just make up some bullshit about needing him to do forensics for a case or something. Only if he asks, okay?” She pleaded as I chuckled and nodded, “Yeah, sure.” I agreed, walking up to his building and pressing the buzzer while Steph sheepishly hid behind me. 

“Are you kidding me? You went undercover when you were nineteen and you were fine, but you’re scared of talking to your boyfriend?” I skeptically asked as she punched me in the arm, “Shut up.” She squeaked as the intercom crackled. 

“Babs?” Tim’s confused voice asked, laced with fatigue and confusion, “Yeah, can you let us up?” I waved at the camera as a loud buzz sounded and the lock on the door snapped open. 

Steph cautiously stepped inside and hauled me behind her, her nails biting into my skin. “Holy crap, you can let go. I’m following you.” I winced as she nodded and let go, muttering a quick, “Sorry.” Before jamming the button on the elevator to his floor and forcing herself to knock on the door. 

After a minute it opened and she sheepishly waved at him, “Hey Tim. I… um, I realise it’s late but I was just wondering if--" He cut her off by tugging her close and pressing his lips to hers. 

I awkwardly stood there for a moment before saying, “I should probably go. Before this becomes weirdly heated and intense.” I half-joked, but before long she was sliding her hands into his hair and he was shifting so she was pressed up against the wall. 

“Look at that, it’s already happening,” I whispered to myself before rushing to leave, deciding that waiting for the elevators was too agonisingly long to be stuck there while they made out behind me, and instead taking the stairs. 

The stairs that were eerily familiar to the ones that Jason and I had been scoping out just a few hours prior. 

My breaths became more and more unsteady as I reached my car and practically threw myself inside, locking the doors and letting out a sob I had been holding in all day, desperately fighting to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. But they didn’t stop.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been a week since I was shot, and, despite what the doctors had said, I was feeling fine. Good even. They hadn’t technically cleared me for work yet, but I needed to occupy myself with something. If I was by myself for too long my thoughts would get the better of me. The demons that I tried so desperately hard to keep at bay would come back to tear me apart, mercilessly throwing my memories back at me, _forcing_ me to remember. 

Over the years I had become insanely good at distracting myself. Sometimes it nearly killed me, but there was always a tiny voice in the back of my mind that stopped me from doing something too drastic. Doing something that I wouldn’t live to regret. 

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, coming to a halting realisation when seeing a familiar figure walk through the precinct doors just a few meters ahead of me. Sparkling green eyes that, even when she was furious, seemed to perfectly catch the light. Her fiery hair making her look more beautiful than ever. 

I immediately stopped my train of thought. If she knew that I was thinking about her like that she would probably punch me. Not that she hadn’t done so before. It was actually surprising how many times she had gotten away with it. 

She was so unbelievably perfect in every single way, and I was just some screwup that pulled everyone down with me as I fell through an infinite abyss of darkness. 

I had always, on some level, known that I wasn’t good enough to be where I was, but seeing her just confirmed it. I couldn’t be there anymore, not with her hating me. So, I did what I should’ve done years ago. 

I quit.


	9. Chapter 9

“Jason Todd.” I smiled, extending my hand. “Isabel Ardila.” She replied, her red lips curling into a soft smile. 

I had been doing this a lot in the month since I had left, more than I would like to admit. Like I said, I had become insanely good at distracting myself. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder and managed to turn around, despite the dizzying buzz that clouded my mind. “I think you’ve had enough.” A familiar redhead said from behind me in a low, almost threatening voice. I coldly laughed. “You’re one to talk.” I grabbed my drink and downed it, embracing the burning sensation in my throat, followed by the warm feeling in my stomach. He turned to the girl I was talking to and said, “You don’t want him, he’s got AIDS.”

She simply raised an eyebrow and walked away, joining the group of friends she had presumably come with.

Immediately, I turned around and fiercely glared at him. “What the fuck, Roy!” I yelled. He just grabbed my arm and hauled me outside, leaving me stumbling after him, trying not to fall over as the world around me spun. 

“You’re a mess, Jason. You need to get your life together.” He patronised as I crazily grinned, trying to counter the feeling of my heart sinking. “Says you, Roy I’ve-been-to-rehab-twice Harper.” I slurred, giving up on trying to act sober. “You need to pull it together. What happened that you’re not telling me about?” He asked. I smirked, “Nothing happened.” I slowly backed up until I was leaning against the wall, trying to stop the stars above me from spinning. 

“Why did you quit then?” He questioned, narrowing his eyes. I drunkenly scoffed, briefly closing my eyes. “Because I’m sick of working and I’m loaded ‘cause of my ‘father’.” I air quoted while rolling my eyes. “Is this whole thing about your issues with Bruce?” He tiredly questioned.

I loudly laughed, “Please, I was only there for a few years and I spent most of that time passed out drunk after parties on a lousy futon.” I tried to keep my voice light and uncaring, which was becoming increasingly harder as the effects of the alcohol slowly burned away. 

“Okay, if it’s not about Bruce, why are you doing this to yourself?” He asked. I rolled my eyes, instantly regretting it as everything around me lurched to the left. Or maybe I had just stumbled. I couldn’t tell at this point. “Like I said, I’m bored.” I borderline giggled. 

“Okay Chuckles, let's get you home.” He defeatedly muttered. I grinned at his abandon. Honestly, it was better to have people giving up on you. There was no more pressure. 

“I’m good to drive.” I fished the keys to my bike out of my pocket, which he snatched out of my hand. “Idiot.” He muttered to himself. I fondly smiled, thinking of how often Barbara would call me that, only to immediately feel sad again.

I couldn’t let myself believe that I missed her. If I admitted that, everything would come tumbling down around me. At least this way I could be in peaceful denial. At least this way it was still an option. 

“Why do you even care so much?” I drunkenly asked as he began walking back to my apartment with me. “Because you’re going to get yourself killed and I don’t want to be charged with burying you.” He muttered in response, probably only half joking. 

“Don’t worry, I’d much rather be cremated.” I chuckled, yearning for a glass in my hand. Or perhaps the gentle buzz of nicotine as smoke filled my lungs. Just a few moments of release from everything real. A few moments of hazy, ignorant bliss. 

I discreetly pulled a cigarette from my pocket and lit it, watching the smoke unfurl as the paper burned. Roy raised an eyebrow but otherwise said nothing. He knew how much shit I had been through, and he didn’t tend to stop me from using the things at my disposal to let it all go, even if it was just for a few short minutes. I took a long drag and sighed in relief as I expelled the smoke from my lungs. In actuality, I hated smoking. The dry scratching at the back of my throat was unbearable, but the aftereffects were too good to deny.

“That’s really bad for you.” A judgemental feminine voice said from behind me. For a moment I thought it was Roy, but then common sense kicked in and I turned around, fighting to keep the smile from my lips. 

“Barbie,” I greeted, not being able to resist getting in one little jab. “Short as ever.” 

She rolled her eyes and countered with, “Arrogant as ever.” While crossing her arms and adjusting her stance, shifting her weight onto one leg. “It's been awhile,” I smirked, taking another drag and relaxing more. “And you’re clearly doing great.” She sarcastically commented, eliciting a dry chuckle. “Bringing out the claws so soon?” I mockingly asked. “Never put them away.” She quipped, her tone razor sharp.

We exchanged daring looks for a few moments until Roy cleared his throat. “Should I go?” He nervously suggested. I raised my eyebrows at Barbara, challenging her to say yes. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “No, I was just leaving.” She answered. 

My lips twisted into an amused smirk when she walked past me, pulling what was left of the cigarette from my lips and stubbing it against the brick wall beside us before letting it drop to the ground. 

Half-smiling, I turned to Roy, who had an absolutely flabbergasted look present on his face. “What?” I asked as he quickly recovered, shuddering. “Next time, don’t leave me sitting in the insane amount of sexual tension between you two. Forget about _slicing_ through it, you could literally just reach out and snap it.” He glared, purposefully not maintaining eye contact. 

I shook my head. “I think you’re reading into it wrong. She hates me.” I continued walking, seeing him push his hands through his hair out of the corner of my eye. “I think I’m reading into it just fine.” He snappily assured. “Whatever.” I sighed with a shrug.

A few minutes later we arrived at my apartment. “Later.” I waved as he nodded, handing me back my keys. “Drink a lot of water.” Was all he said before leaving. I snickered and went upstairs, throwing my jacket on the couch and making my way to the half empty bottle of scotch that lay on my counter next to a haphazard collection of glasses and cigarette butts. Reaching for the bottle, I paused. The usual craving that rung in my head was gone. Instead, the one thing on my mind was _her_. And I hated it. 


	10. Chapter 10

Twelve cigarettes and half a bottle of scotch later, she was far from my mind. Everything was. The hellish thoughts that relentlessly haunted me were gone. The sight of my mother’s dead body, a syringe still stuck in her arm, glossy, unblinking eyes, shockingly pale skin, the faint odour of death… it was all long forgotten. Or maybe it did still mingle in the back of my mind, but I was far too sedated to worry about it. Or even properly remember it. All I could do was stare up at the ceiling from where I lay on the couch, occasionally bringing a cigarette to my lips, clinging to every last smoke-filled breath. 

But even then, stuck in a daze of nicotine and alcohol, I still felt that pang of loneliness in my chest. A cavity that I hadn’t quite figured out how to fill yet. Maybe I would be stuck with it forever. Maybe it was a wound that was so deeply set that it couldn’t heal over. It was so hard to explain the exact sensation. I would just feel so, so sad and _alone_. The waves of fear and isolation drawing me out further than I thought they ever could, striking at my very core, making me feel heavy and useless. 

Tears burned behind my eyes as I became more sucked into the ocean of crushing doubts that followed me. The insecurities that pulled me under the water, making it harder for me to breathe as the water filled my nose and mouth, making its way into my eyes as I fought to swim back up, but somehow seemed to be yanked back further with every excruciating movement I made. I tried to scream for help but it just made my lungs burn harder. I dug the heels of my hands into my temples, wincing at the unrelenting pressure of the water. Oh god, the pressure--

My eyes snapped open and I sat up, gasping for air, trying to get as much oxygen as possible into my body. I clawed at my suddenly too-tight shirt - that was now soaked through with sweat - and desperately tried to yank it over my head so I could breathe freely without it constricting my chest, winding tighter with every inhalation of hot, thick air. 

I took deeper and deeper breaths, becoming more panicked when my lungs couldn’t take anymore and I had to stop to breathe out before repeating the whole cycle over again. The deafening silence around me was filled with the sounds of my panicked wheezes and shaky hands trembling against the already loose glass that rested on the peeling white paint of the window panes. I moved closer to the window, pressing my forehead against the smooth, cold glass, trying to bring myself back to reality - something I would usually protest doing. 

Some people would call this a panic attack or perhaps a night terror. But I thought of it as one of the many things about me that were fundamentally flawed. Just another one of the fuck-ups in my mind that added up to the giant fuck up that was me. 

I wasn’t scared or panicked anymore. All I was was sad. And there was nothing that could make that everlasting pain go away, except for the sweet release of death.


	11. Chapter 11

I stood outside his building. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, I couldn’t help but be worried about him. He had just looked so lost behind the charming facade he put up. Behind that stupid little smirk of his, he seemed so entirely defeated. Like he had given up on life. 

As I slowly climbed up the stairs to his apartment. I could already smell the lingering mixture of smoke and what might have been whiskey in the air. I knocked on the door and paused for a few seconds before knocking again, louder this time. Only then did it occur to me how late it was. Or should I say early, considering it was two-thirty in the morning. Before I could get away he called out, “Whoever you are, I can assure you, you have the wrong apartment.”

His voice sounded raspy and thick, as if he wasn’t quite sober, but not quite drunk. “Trust me, I’ve got the right place,” I replied, waiting through a few minutes of silence before the door opened, revealing Jason, messy haired with dark shadows under his eyes. Wearing an unzipped red hoodie, revealing a plethora of thick, white scars. 

I forced myself to look up from his shockingly scarred chest to meet his eyes. “Hey--“ I began, but he was already speaking over me. “I _just_ got you out of my head.”

I frowned. He was thinking about me? 

“You’re right, this is totally inappropriate. I should go.” I muttered when he caught my wrist. “No, stay.” He said, his voice gentler, but still sounding more like a demand than a request. I nodded and he pulled me into his apartment, quietly shutting the door behind him. “Make yourself at home.” He said, his flat tone countered by the raspiness of his voice. By the looks of it, he had been chain smoking. 

I cautiously curled my fingers around the half-empty Marlboro carton and pocketed it. 

“If you wanna keep that pretty face of yours, I wouldn’t pick up the habit.” He lopsidedly grinned. I looked up at him. “I could say the same for you.” I expectantly held out my hand and he sighed before reaching into his pocket and drawing out another carton he had, which I also shoved into my pocket, which was becoming a little bulky at this point.

I had been in his apartment a few times before, but I had never seen it quite this messy. Stray bottles of various hard liquor littered the ground, along with still smoking cigarette butts and Marlboro cartons, not to mention the clothes that had been haphazardly tossed on the floor. 

“What brings you here?” He asked, reaching for a glass and a bottle of what looked like vodka and pouring himself a generous amount. I put my hand over the top of the glass once it was about a third full and he reluctantly put it away. “You’re no fun, Barbie.” He whined as I took the bottle from him and walked over to the sink, tipping it all out. “I’m here because I’m worried about you,” I answered once I was sat back down, watching him slowly nurse his drink. “Well isn’t that sweet.” He bitterly muttered into the glass. 

He leant backwards in his chair, exposing more of his excessively scarred chest. After a second he noticed me staring. “See something you like?” He dryly asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Sure, he was muscular. And _sure_ , he was attractive, but that wasn’t why I was looking and he knew it. Nevertheless, a fierce blush bloomed across my face. “No- I was just--your scars, how’d you get them?” I curiously asked, trying not to appear flustered. That would give him the upper hand, and it was never good when he had the power in our dynamic. 

He sadly smiled. “Daddy was lovely until he started to touch the liquor.” He chuckled, raising his glass to his lips and taking a long sip before bringing it down again. “Like father,” He paused, his grip tightening on the glass he held until it shattered, shards falling to the floor and embedding themselves in his palm. “Like son.” He sourly finished, yanking the broken glass out of his hand and dropping the bloodstained pieces onto the coffee table in front of us.

I immediately reached out to inspect his hand, which, despite the fact that he was laughing, was vigorously bleeding. “I’m betting you wished you hadn’t dumped the vodka.” He wryly smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty more.” 

“Do you have a first aid kit?” I asked as he wheezed out a laugh. “I do, actually.” He got up and opened one of the cupboards, grabbing a small box and handing it to me, which I promptly opened and grabbed a few stretches of gauze before beginning to meticulously wrap up his hand. “Déjà vu.” He mused as a small smile made its way onto my face, “You really oughta get a doctor to do this for you.” I stated, the twinkle of laughter faint in the back of my throat. “No doctor could possibly compare to the spectacular Detective Barbara Gordon.” He teased as I hid my face so he couldn’t see the rosiness in my cheeks. “You should know by now that flattery will get you nowhere.” I put away the first aid box and closed the cupboard when a cabinet, stocked to the brim with booze, caught my eye and my smile instantly dropped, remembering just how drunk he was. 

He moved a step closer. “It won’t, huh? Let's see if we can change that.” He smirked. I backed away. “Sleep it off, Jay.” I exasperatedly sighed, rolling my eyes to hide the hurt behind them. 

He moved backwards and raised an eyebrow. “Changed the mood real quick.” He incoherently mumbled to himself. I rolled my eyes, there was no mood _to_ change. All it was was me going along with his stupid flirty banter that was really just a defence mechanism so that he never had to take anyone or anything seriously. 

Jason Todd meant _nothing_ to me, and he never would.


	12. Chapter 12

I woke up, still in his apartment. I definitely didn’t remember falling asleep here. I sat up, slowly blinking away sleep and spotted him, hair still damp with a steaming mug of what was probably tea in his hands, sitting a few meters away from me and staring out the window with a notepad in front of him, absentmindedly tapping a pen against the table. I looked over to the coffee table and saw another mug of tea that he must’ve made for me. I gingerly took it and wrapped my hands around the tepid ceramic, letting it warm my stiff fingers before taking a sip. 

“Morning Barbie.” He said without turning around to look at me. “How’d you sleep?”

“Surprisingly well.” I honestly answered, cautiously moving towards him and peering over his shoulder to see what he had been writing. “What’s this?” I asked, seeing the words; _water_ and _trapped_ messily scrawled down before he quickly flipped it over so I couldn’t see. “Nothing.” He muttered before turning to look at me. 

“Does Jason Todd have a diary?” I mockingly gasped, yanking my hand away when realising I had rested it on his shoulder. He chuckled. “Something like that.” He stood up and I realised quite how tall he was. I had to tilt my head back just to look at him.

I went to put my hands in my pockets when my fingertips grazed the cigarettes that I had taken from him. My lips set into a worried line. “Jason, I think you should come back to the force.” I impulsively said. He narrowed his eyes. “I’m going to have to respectfully decline.” He cruelly snickered and I began to get angry. “Look at yourself, Jay!” I exclaimed. “You’re throwing your life away!” 

He just put on his stupid smirk back on and leant back, crossing his arms. “You need to _have_ a life in the first place to be able to throw it away.” He laughed. 

“Why do you do this to yourself?” I asked, gesturing to the arsenal of harmful substances that littered his apartment. “A little alcohol never hurt anyone.” He sat back down. “Or a single smoke.” He added. 

I felt my heart shatter. “This isn’t just a little. You’re a junkie, Jason.” My voice climbed higher as it became more difficult to hold back tears. “And what’s so bad about that?” He asked, clearly not looking for an answer. 

“What are you trying to forget?” I innocently questioned. He looked a little taken aback for a split second before smiling again, this time a hint of sadness behind it. “So many things.” He answered, almost wistfully.

“Care to elaborate?” I prodded. He raised an eyebrow. “Care to get me another drink?” He retorted. I nervously bit the inside of my cheek. “I should go home, I’ll see you tomorrow at work,” I muttered, leaving. He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I doubt it.” He hollered as I shut the door behind me, left wondering what had happened to him that had finally made him break.


	13. Chapter 13

I don’t know what it was that made me get up before noon the next morning. Or what made me put on a new shirt and presentable jacket. Maybe it was that dangerously competitive side of me that really wanted to finish that conversation with Barbara, despite the fact that it would end badly.

Although, I guess there had always been an unspoken conflict between us, no matter what the issue was. And, as far as I was concerned, she was in the lead in this ongoing war we were having. 

I ran to get my bike from outside the bar before speeding off to the precinct, arriving just before lunch. Seeing as it was working hours, I didn’t need my card to get into the building and up to the third floor, where I stepped out of the elevator and stormed over to Barbara’s desk, catching a few confused glances from some of the other detectives on the way.

I slammed my hands on her desk, causing her to look up at me, surprise written across her face. 

“You know what I’m trying to forget?” I hissed. “You and your stupid, invasive, annoying questions,” I growled, my tone harsher than I meant for it to be. 

She stood up and glowered at me. “Why don’t you give me an example of one of these ‘stupid, invasive, annoying questions’?” She requested in a low voice, angling her head so I received the full force of her glare. 

“Well, that escalated quickly.” I heard a voice mumble from behind me. I turned around to see Steph. “Hey.” I greeted. She nodded her head slightly. “‘Sup.”

I turned back to Babs. “Well, if I recall properly, you came to my home in the middle of the night, stole my cigarettes, got me drunk and shirtless, then asked me about how I got my scars. Sound familiar?” I recounted, a surprisingly little amount of smugness in my voice. Steph whistled from behind us, clearly carefully watching. “You went to his house and got him drunk and shirtless?” She laughed. Barbara narrowed her eyes at me, ignoring Steph. “You’re twisting it and you know it.” She hissed. 

“So you didn’t come to my apartment at two thirty in the morning? And you didn’t take my cigarettes and ask about the scars?” I questioned as she bit the inside of her cheek - something she always did when she was angry or worried.

“Okay, fine, I admit to that. But in no way did I get you drunk or shirtless.” She muttered through gritted teeth. “That one’s all on you.”

We exchanged glares for a while until Steph cleared her throat. “You guys have been staring at each other for a really long time now.” She commented, nonchalantly snacking on pretzels that she had miraculously conjured up. “You mind taking it to the evidence room or something, I think they’ve got a kid here somewhere.” 

“Steph! Shut up!” Babs irritatedly crossed her arms and I smirked. “Haha, I win.” I childishly proclaimed, whispering so only she could hear me. “Keep dreaming.” She quietly scoffed. The corner of my mouth quirked up. It was never ending with her. 

“Hey! Cool it a little! What’d I say about the kid!” Steph loudly exclaimed. “Why don’t you go to lunch, Brown?” I smoothly suggested, trying not to let her know how pissed off I was. She sighed and leaned back in her chair, cooly replying with, “I’m waiting for Tim to pick me up.”

“Ohh right, that boy-toy of yours from forensics.” I coldly sneered. She angrily clenched her fists. “Prick.” She grumbled. Smiling, I cleared my throat. “If there’s no one left to insult, I should get going.” I put on my most charming smile and went to leave when Barbara stood up as well and began walking beside me. 

“What are you doing?” I wearily asked, tired. She shrugged. “It’s my lunch break. Plus, it’s not like you have anything better to do.” She pointed out. I furrowed my brow. “You can go out to lunch, but I’m not going with you.” 

She crossed her arms over her chest, a faint smile dancing across her lips. “And what else are you going to do? Go be sad at home? Or sad at the bar?” 

I hissed through my teeth, feigning pain. “Harsh, Barbie,” I almost smiled but caught myself at the last second. “But I think I’ll go be sad at home.” I decided. She nodded. “Okay, let’s go.” She happily trotted out of the elevator, but before she could get too far I caught her arm and tugged her back. “Whoa, are you keeping tabs on me or something?” I incredulously asked, largely annoyed. 

“Yeah.” She easily admitted as if it were the most normal thing in the world. “Why?” I asked, my voice embarrassingly high pitched. “Because you’ve got a drinking problem.” She plainly answered. Stupefied, I scoffed. “No, I don’t.” I denied, even though I knew it was true. I had admitted it to myself - I did that a long time ago. What I couldn't do was admit it to anyone else, her in particular.

“Really?” She enquired, advancing on me so we were just a fraction closer. “Convince me.” She purred, her voice soft but demanding. I gulped. She was getting closer and it was making my brain short-circuit. Was she doing this on purpose?

“Uhh…” I stammered. “I don’t… have a drinking problem.” I steadily said, shifting my gaze away from her and trying to slow my racing heartbeat. “Yeah, you do.” She calmly countered. I stood up taller, taking advantage of my height and glaring down at her. 

“You’ve got a problem, admit it.” She moved closer and I felt her hands on my abdomen. My eyes widened and I shook my head. “Nope.” I sharply inhaled, trying to look normal. She pulled away, smirking. “Okay then, have fun.” She whirled away and - right before she got in her car - grinned and muttered, “Stupid boy.” Holding up my keys and jangling them in front of me before driving away, leaving me flabbergasted. Fuck. She had stolen my keys. Fuck! I knew where she was going. For fuck's sake! She was going to break into my apartment. Fuckfuckfuck! I started to call out after her, realising that was useless so I took off and sprinted to my bike, realising I didn’t have the keys. 

“Fuck you, Barbie!” I shouted, knowing I sounded absolutely crazy. “Fuck you,” I grumbled to myself - quieter this time - before beginning to walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the gaps between updates :/


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update! I've been totally swamped with school lately, but thank you for being so patient <3

I sped down to his apartment, calling Roy. “Hey, Babs.” He casually greeted. Roy and I had been friends for years, ever since Jason and I had started working together and Jason had introduced me to him. 

“Roy, I need you to meet me at Jason’s apartment _right now_.” I urgently said, turning a tight corner. “Sure. Why?” He compliantly asked. “I stole his keys and I’m gonna break into his apartment to take away his alcohol and stuff ‘cause he very clearly has a problem,” I answered as his laughter echoed through the phone. “You do realise you’re totally crazy?” He chuckled. I rolled my eyes, beginning to tire from all these questions. “Are you gonna help me or not?” I impatiently clicked my tongue until he sighed and said, “Yeah, I’ll be there in ten.”

“Perfect,” I said before hanging and continuing with my drive to Jason’s place.

Exactly ten minutes later Roy met me outside Jason’s building.

“Babs, let’s go. Before he gets here.” He muttered as a greeting. I nodded and tried all the keys on Jason’s keychain until the door eventually unlocked and we ran up to his apartment. I managed to unlock his front door, opening it and instantly smelling the lingering smoke in the room. I coughed. “Oh my god. It’s like a fucking ashtray in here.” I wheezed as Roy nodded, clearing his throat. “You get used to it.” He muttered. 

“Yeah, well, he’s gonna die if we _do_ get used to it.” I marched to the cabinet of liquor I had noticed a few nights before and opened it, beginning to drain all the bottles into the sink. 

I heard Roy whistle behind me in disbelief. “Whoa, I didn’t know it was this bad. I mean, I know he relapsed… but…” He trailed off. Worry instantly overtook me, so I turned to him and furrowed my brow. “How many times has this happened before?” I asked, concern lacing my voice. “A couple times a year since he was fifteen.” He breezily answered, which made my heart instantly sink. “Oh.”

He casually leant against the countertop opposite me. “You know this isn’t going to hold him back. If he wants to drink, he’ll find a way to do it.” He told me, crossing his arms and looking around the place. I rolled my eyes. “You tip out the rest of these. I’m going to see if he’s got anything else stashed around the apartment.” I ordered as he nodded and took my place. 

As it turns out, he had a lot of stuff hidden in all the nooks and crannies of his loft. Vodka, whiskey, scotch, tequila, cigarettes, cigars, marijuana. I even found a massive stash of painkillers - or some other kind prescription pills - hidden under his mattress. 

“Barbara Gordon you little shit!” Jason’s angry voice reverberated through the halls. Dammit. Game over. I sighed and nervously bit my lip. “Jason Peter Todd you… handsome… thing.” I awkwardly returned, hoping to undercut some of the anger he was so very clearly feeling. “Thank you, but I prefer the term; ‘irresistibly sexy’.”

Of course, even when he was angry he managed to find a way to make things ever so slightly inappropriate.

I looked to Roy, who shrugged and continued to empty a large bottle of whisky. 

“What’s up, Jay?” I squeakily asked as he narrowed his electrifying blue eyes. “Give me back my stuff.” He held out his hand and I shook my head. “No.” I protested. “Barbara.” He warningly growled as I moved the hoard of intoxicants away from him. “Prescription opioids, Jason? What’s next? Cocaine? Methamphetamine? Gamma Hydroxybutyrate? Heroin? Oh, and don’t forget about the ten grams of marijuana I found.” I blurted out as he subconsciously pouted, which was - safe to say - adorable. 

“You found all that?” He defeatedly asked. “Yes.” I snappily answered. Immediately, Roy shook his head and practically bolted out the door, mumbling, “Not again.” To himself as he went.

He rolled his eyes and returned to glaring at me. “This is a complete invasion of my privacy.” He hissed as I threw a joint at him. “I don’t care. You’re killing yourself.” I bit back my worry as he scoffed, “I’m not gonna pretend like I haven’t thought about it.”

I took a sharp breath in. “What?” I spluttered as he smirked. “It’s virtually impossible to overdose on marijuana, y’know.” He smugly crossed his arms and I resisted the urge to punch him. “You insensitive, idiotic, careless son of a bitch!” I yelled as he smiled. “Surprisingly accurate. I’m truly special, aren’t I?” He wistfully sighed, plucking a Marlboro carton from my arms, flicking the box open and putting a cigarette between his lips. 

He went to light it when I snatched the lighter from him. “Hey!” He exclaimed as I inspected the lighter, tauntingly waving it in front of him. His glare intensified and his lips set in a hard line. “Barbie,” He growled. “Give me the lighter.” He calmly demanded. “No.” I looked aside and raised an eyebrow at the open window on the other side of the room. “Don’t even think about it, Red.” He warned, but I had already tossed it out the window. 

“No! Dammit, Barbie!” He shouted. “I’m surprised you don’t have another one,” I commented as he glared. “Yeah, well, it was lost in a cataclysmic night of fires and floods.” He sarcastically replied, rolling his eyes. “I swear to god if that’s some kind of sexual innuendo--” 

“Once you leave, I’m just gonna buy new stuff.” He said, smugly smiling at me. I felt burning anger build up inside of me so I handed him everything in my arms with a glared. “You know, I don’t care anymore, go ahead. Why don’t you just kill yourself?” I muttered, storming out. 

Oh my god. Why did I say that? There was no way that was okay for me to say. I had to go back. To tell him I didn’t mean it, but I just couldn't bring myself to see him like that. I guess this was the end of whatever the hell us was.


	15. Chapter 15

“Hey, Dick,” I greeted, sheepishly knocking on the already open door to his office. “Jason,” He looked up with a smile. “Come in.” It was pretty late, so it wasn’t a surprise that he and I were the only ones in the precinct right now. 

“I was wondering,” I began, stepping inside and crossing my arms. “If you had any open cases.” Yikes, that was probably the worst way to ask for my job back, but what the hell? It’s not like I had anything left to lose. 

“Yup, got a whole pile saved for you and Babs.” He answered with a nod, almost too casual. 

I shifted my weight back and forth for a few seconds, thinking about leaving before turning back around and leaning forwards. “You do know I quit, right?” I unsurely said, only for him to chuckle to himself, still looking down at some reports or something. “You’ve quit before, Jason. Has it ever lasted more than a few weeks?”

I guess he was right, but it would be a fuckin’ treat to be taken seriously for once. “Yeah, okay,” I grumbled before spinning around and leaving. He could be a real dick sometimes, hence the name, I guess.

The next couple of hours after that were infuriatingly long. I tried to sleep, but it wasn't exactly easy. In fact, it was quite the opposite. “Fuck it,” I grumbled after a while, sighing and dragging a hand over my face. It wasn’t worth it - trying to go to sleep, that is. It was already six and I would have to be back up in an hour anyway. It’s not like caffeine wasn't an option.

I dragged myself into the shower, letting the warm water wash over me. Great, _now_ I was drowsy. Perfect fucking timing. Managing to half get ready, I fell back into bed, falling asleep until my alarm woke me an hour later. “Oh, fuck me…” I cursed under my breath, managing to finish getting ready before dragging myself over to the precinct. 

“Hey, Jason!” I heard someone call from a few yards behind me. I turned around and saw Steph, who was smiling a little in greeting. “Hey,” I waved, scanning my card to get into the building. “What’s up?”

She shrugged as we walked into the lift and then to the bullpen. “Same old. There was this case - some sicko hung up a bunch of people upside down in this like, abandoned hangar, and then cut their throats so they slowly bled to death.” She said, vividly gesturing as she spoke. “Nice,” I snickered, running a hand through my hair to push it out of my face. I desperately needed some coffee. “Yeah, well… only a cop.” She grinned. I amusedly snorted in return and sat down at the desk opposite hers, which was empty seeing as it was my old one - the one I was forced to relocate to after Steph stole mine, that is. But I was totally over that…

“How’s Barbara?” I worked up the courage to ask, trying to act casual. “She’s good,” Steph answered with a suspicious look. “You royally screwed things up though. She was kinda wrecked for a while, actually.”

If I had felt bad before, it was worse now. I always knew Babs cared about me on some level, just not enough for it to affect her actual life though.

“Oh. Sorry.” I mumbled, frowning. Steph raised an eyebrow and snorted. “Tell her, not me. I’m not the one who’s life you fucked with.” She casually shrugged, which managed to make me break through what I thought was rock bottom - in the feeling bad department, that is. 

“Right, yeah. I will.” I nodded, grabbing a pen off her desk and scrawling down a picture of a frowning clown with the word ‘sorry’ written under it. 

Steph raised an eyebrow but otherwise remained silent, which was a first. “I’ll go apologise right now.” I jauntily said, hopping up and walking over to her desk. Embarrassingly giggling to myself as I stuck the note to her monitor and turned around to go back to my own desk. But I was caught off guard by Babs, who was standing behind me with a skeptical look on her face. 

“What’re you doing?” She suspiciously asked, trying to see around me. “Nothing,” I answered, turning and charmingly smiling at her. “What’s up, Barbie?” 

She stepped around me to her desk and sat down, scoffing at the sticky note and looking up at me with a suppressed smile. “Very cute,” She said. “But I've got a bunch of work to do, so if you don’t mind…” 

I sat down in the chair where all the witnesses were questioned and nodded. “Okay, what’re we working on?” 

She inquisitively looked at me, beginning to grin. “Wait,” She giggled, rolling backwards in her chair so she didn't have to turn to look at me. “You’re working here again?” She asked. “Uh huh, why else would I be here?” I nodded, wariness thick in my voice. “ _Really_?” She asked, tilting her head - still massively grinning.

After a few seconds, cleared my throat, beginning to feel uncomfortable. “Okay, quit smiling like that,” I rolled my eyes and slumped back. “I’m still a person. I have to make rent.”

She laughed and handed me a file. “Okay… so, what we’ve got is a string of homicides. Super weird MO; the victims were… fucked up. Here, just look.” She flipped to a bunch of photos of victims, which were disturbing, to say the least. “Wow, these guys are getting creative,” I sharply inhaled, grimacing at the photos of several victims with big, bloodshot eyes and massive grins stretched across their pale faces. “What the hell did this?”

She took the file from me and tossed it on her desk. “Some kind of bioweapon. Nerve gas, maybe. We can’t figure it out. Some kind of homegrown bullshit.” She grabbed her gun. “Alright, I’ve got a possible location. You want a ride?” She asked. “Well--” I began with a smirk, only for her to cut me off. “I’m gonna stop you before you say something _overtly_ sexual.”

“I wasn’t gonna… okay, yeah, sorry.” I mumbled, looking away. She sighed and gestured for me to get up. “Come on, you better not slow me down.”

“I would never,” I said, hopping up and walking with her to her car. “Vests?” I asked, to which she nodded and unlocked the trunk, where there were so many fucking weapons it was scary. Familiar, but terrifying nonetheless. “Here you go,” She tossed me a vest and clip with a small smile. “Thanks for coming back.”

“Like I said,” I uncomfortably shifted. “Rent.” 

She rolled her eyes and started the car. “Uh huh,” She skeptically hummed, cheekily grinning. “Sure.” 

We drove in silence for a few minutes before she suddenly leant over and kissed my cheek, snickering at my flustered silence. “Uhhh…” I managed to say, to which she rolled her eyes and shoved my shoulder. “Idiot,” 

“That I am,” I agreed, blinking away the fog from my head that was making it impossible to speak. “Tell me what’s up with the case.” I requested in a quick change of subject, tapping my hands to a random rhythm. “Alright,” She began, going on to talk about the case. And I swear I was _trying_ to listen, but I found myself getting distracted by her, which was a little worrying. But it’s fine. It didn’t faze me. It was probably just nostalgia or something. Right?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting from the end, Jason and Barbara's first case while back working together. (I want to make this a three-parter within the entire book if that makes any sense)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters are done a bit differently, so please bear with me :)

** The End **

“Drop it.” I calmly said, holding the gun in steady hands. He just cackled, pressing the knife further into Barbara’s throat so a trickle of red blood dripped down the hollow of her throat, staining her collar. Her exclamations of pain, however, were muffled by his hand over her mouth. “Shh,” He quietly giggled into her ear. I had to physically keep myself from shuddering. Ugh, even the thought of him touching her made me feel sick, I couldn't imagine how she felt. “Drop it,” I repeated, stress gradually playing with my mind and consuming all rationality. 

“I’ll be careful,” He said through more deranged giggles. What the fuck was with this freak? His presence alone was sending chills down my spine. 

He slowly rolled the knife so more blood spilled down Barbara’s throat and onto her shirtfront. I could see her bite the inside of her cheek to muffle another scream and my eyes went wide with panic. I had to do something now. I couldn't exactly shoot him, he was using her as a human shield. Maybe I could shoot the floor or the wall - make him flinch. Or… dammit, I didn't want to do this. I lowered my gun ever so slightly and he started cackling again. This cocky son of a bitch.

With a pinched face, I shot the gun. Everything seemed to move in slow-motion. The bullet leaving the chamber of the gun, flying through the air and hitting the intended target. The next thing I heard was an ear-piercing scream, followed by the thump of a body falling to the ground. I took a few more shots and another thump echoed shortly afterwards. 

Great, now I had to take care of the bodies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, sorry for the slow updates. I promise there is more to come!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of a three-part story inside a story (please forgive me) delving a little more into Jason's past.

**The Beginning**

“You know the drill. We go in - standard cover formation - search the house, arrest him if he’s there and get out. Avoid shooting.” She snapped, putting stress on the ‘avoid shooting’. “Yeah, yeah,” I droned. “We’ve done this a thousand times, Barbie. I’ve only been away for a month, not a year.” I was boredly rolling my eyes, but if I was being honest, I was stressed. I wasn't one to believe in all that spiritual wishy-washy crap, but this house had a bad feel to it. Like something bad was about to happen. 

She tightened her kevlar vest and cocked her gun, flashing me a quick yet familiar grin. It was the grin she wore every time adrenaline came into play. It was completely impulsive and crazy and - to sum it up in one word - wild. 

“Go on my three,” She held up her fingers and counted down, whispering, “One… two… three.” 

Before I was even thinking, I had shouldered the already splintering door open and we were cautiously clearing the hallway of the worn-down old house, working together just as well as we had done so before. 

There seemed to be two stories, so Babs gestured for me to take upstairs while she would scope out the ground-floor. I nodded with a newly terse expression on my face and began to slowly creep up the rotting wood making up the stairs, cringing as said rotting wooden planks uncontrollably squeaked, growing louder with each step, even as I tried to be quiet.

As it turns out, the house was bigger than it looked, with several large rooms breaking off from the narrow hallway. It reminded me of a hotel. The rooms though - progressively got worse and worse as I passed, whether it be scratches on the walls, smatterings of blood, eerily torn items of women’s clothing - which could really only mean one thing - there was always some kind of horrifying remnant of the nightmare that took place there.

After what felt like a lifetime, I reached the end of the hallway where the last room was, the door suspiciously closed. The other ones were all wide open, almost showing off what had happened in there. The tortures, the kidnappings, the rapes… 

Slowly, I turned the door handle and gently pushed it open with white-knuckled hands, absolutely dreading what was on the other side. I quickly steadied the gun in my hands in case he was in there, but it was far, far worse than any psychotic, predatory murderer. It was his prey.

***

I put a hand over my mouth and nose to block out the putrefying smell from the seemingly airlocked room. The smell alone made my eyes sting and issued an involuntary gag.

It looked like the corpse had been rotting in the small, windowless room for a week or so. The person, however, had clearly been there for much longer. Maybe a month. I could see the evidence of torture from the two meters away I was standing. Fingernails yanked out, broken fingers, bruises and slashes all over the body, their whole left arm had been skinned while they were presumably still alive. 

I leant in closer to get a better look and recognition washed through me. Oh my god. I knew her. At least, from photographs. One thing I had found out shortly after my mother - Catherine Todd- had overdosed, was that she had adopted me when I was very first born. My birth mother was Sheila Haywood. This right here, _this_ was Sheila Haywood. Finally, after all these years, I had found my real mother.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third part

**The Middle**

I had been staring at the corpse for a few minutes before I looked up and noticed the writing messily carved into the walls. 

_‘Detective Todd,_

 

_i know you were looking for your little mommy dearest_

 

_so i thought i would find her for you_

 

_no need to thank me_

 

_much love_

 

_from_

 

_\- uncle J’_

No. No, no, no! This couldn't be happening. How did this guy know who I was? How did he know that I went looking for my mother all those years ago? How did he know I would be here? As questions flooded my mind, I frantically scanned the walls of the room again, searching for something - _anything_ \- that could answer these questions for me. The only other thing that was written on the walls was, _‘HA HA HA’_ manically scribbled over and over again.

I could feel my throat closing up so I turned around and walked down the hall so I could get a breath of fresh air without the repelling smell of a decomposing body right in my face as I tried to go on breathing.

I knew I should’ve been on guard and alert, but I was facing the staircase and had cleared the whole upper floor, which meant he was either downstairs or wasn't here at all. So I crouched down on the floor and covered my mouth with the back of my wrist, feeling the cool leather of my jacket against my skin as I took deep breaths in and out to calm myself. I would definitely call forensics back here to mark it out and have an official autopsy done. It wasn't uncommon to find weird objects in the victim's bodies, whether they were implanted or swallowed or put in by any other means. 

“Jason!” Barbara’s familiar and terror-drenched voice yelped, yanking me back down to Earth. Holy fuck. She was trapped down there with a murderer. No, more than just a murderer. A twisted, depraved, inhuman, cold-blooded animal.

How could I have been so stupidly selfish?! I should’ve gone straight down there as soon as I had deemed it empty, but I didn't and now she was in danger. Dammit, this was all my fault. Whoever this ‘Joker’ was had somehow known I was coming here, practically _lured_ me in, masterminded this whole scenario so I would eventually end up upstairs and find what was left of my birth mother… now I was a distraught mess, but I had to put all that aside. If Barbara now got hurt because of me, I would never be able to forgive myself, let alone face any of her friends, our colleagues, her dad - my _boss_. 

I sprinted downstairs and made sure the safety on my gun was off, the clip was secure, and it was all ready to go. It had to be. It really was life or death this time around.

“Hold on, Red,” I called, swerving around broken down furniture and running all throughout the house until I saw a tall, lanky figure in a heavy purple overcoat with one arm wrapped around the waist of a considerably smaller figure, the other hand holding a knife, which was pressed into the second person’s throat. 

My heart was racing, adrenaline was rushing through my body and I was pretty sure I was sweating like crazy, but I managed to keep my voice cool, calm and rational as I pointed my gun right where his heart would be if he wasn't holding Babs in front of him. “Drop it.”


	19. Chapter 19

_With a pinched face, I shot the gun. Everything seemed to move in slow-motion. The bullet leaving the chamber of the gun, flying through the air and hitting the intended target. The next thing I heard was an ear-piercing scream, followed by the thump of a body falling to the ground. I took a few more shots and another thump echoed shortly afterwards._

“Barbie, sit up,” I ordered, helping her sit against the wall while taking out my phone to call the paramedics. She glared but obliged, mumbling out a hasty, “Jason, you just killed that guy.” 

I could tell she was panicking, but calming her down wasn't my top priority at the moment. She could’ve been bleeding out for all I knew. 

I was really starting to regret using proper bullets instead of the rubber ones we got for most cases - especially the non-life-threatening ones. However, we were recommended lead bullets for this particular case. Any idiot can guess why.

She murmured something else under her breath - presumably about me killing the guy we came here for - as I dialled 911.

She had started to lean her head back against the wall and squeezing her eyes shut to deal with the pain she was probably in. Much to her displeasure, I shook her so she stayed awake and put my phone to my ear. “This is Detective Jason Todd from precinct 5-5, badge number 2231. I need you to send an ambulance to 889 Riversdale Drive, Kubrick District. Detective Barbara Gordon - badge number…” I fumbled to check the badge around her neck. “4051 - has been shot. Get here now!” I snapped, putting my hand to Barbara’s cheek to keep her attention on me and not the bullet lodged in her leg. “On its way now.” Whoever was on the other confirmed, to which I nodded and hung up, tossing my phone on the ground.

They tended to make you more of a priority if you were a detective because there was a potential for more injuries to come. It was a lot quicker than frantically screaming about where you needed them to be. They would always try to calm you down, which was unnecessary. We were trained in dealing with this.

“Babs, you’re losing a lot of blood. If you start to feel dizzy or feel sleepy, I need you to fight it, okay?” I said, putting my other hand atop hers to keep her focus trained on me. “You shot me. And killed him. Who’s next?” She muttered, looking down at the spray-painted and dirty ground we were both seated on. 

“Have you ever seen Speed? I didn't know what else to do.” I mumbled, intently staring at her to make sure she was okay. 

“I love Speed. We saw it together when we were working an overnight case, remember? And I'm not mad, I was just really scared there for a minute.” She admitted, touching my jacket and grabbing onto it for what I'm guessing was support. I think her adrenaline was wearing off because I could tell she was drowsy. At least she was fighting it. Accepting things that weren’t to her liking was never something she was very good at. Stubbornness has always been the wedge between us that kept us apart, although it was equally my fault.

“Could’ve fooled me.” I squeezed her hand comfortingly, praying the ambulance would be here soon. She had begun violently shaking, so I shrugged my jacket off and put it around her shoulders.

She furtively glanced at the body not three feet away from us and shakily let out a breath, scanning the room before looking back at me. “How many of these jackets do you even have?” She was clearly looking for an ulterior topic to discuss, but I could tell she was having a hard time engaging in conversation as she was leaning against me quite a bit. That wasn't exactly a good sign. In fact, I would even venture to say it was very fucking bad.

“Four. And you need to stay awake.” I nudged her a bit, and she nodded, regaining her upright position and looking at me for a few seconds before a grin broke out across her face. “Oh man…how do we get ourselves into these situations, Jay?” 

I almost found myself bursting into laughter like a crazy person, but instead, I chuckled and looked down at my hands, which were now resting atop hers.

“We have a weird job,” Was my answer. She snickered and nodded in response, not saying much else. She was resting against my shoulder again, which was almost comfortingly nice. I sort of wanted to just let her sleep, but I knew it could be dangerous, so I jostled her awake once again. “Barbie, don’t you go dying on me.” 

She laughed and shook her head as she sat back up once again. “Never. I think we both know that you’ll be the first one to go.” 

I snorted out a surprised laugh and looked down at her. “Wow. Harsh, Red.” I grinned as she giggled beside me and pinched my arm. “Sorry, Jay.”

I was about to respond, but I heard the door crashing in and several people running through the house to find Babs, who was already half-asleep. “Babs?” I asked as people flooded the room. “Hmm?” I heard her hum back. Gently, I kissed the top of her head. “I can’t live without you.” I murmured, to which she sighed and squeezed my hand right before being carried away by paramedics while I was being yelled at by an insane amount of uniformed officers. 

“I know.” Was the last thing I heard her say, which made me smile just a bit more than usual. At least, until I heard screaming in my ear. 

“Detective Todd!” A familiar voice boomed out above all the rest, which sent a chill right through my spine. I very slowly turned around to find the face matching the voice of Commissioner James Gordon - Barbara’s dad. 

Was I in for a world of trouble.


End file.
